Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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