Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
