my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
