wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
