I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize