I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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