Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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