that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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