you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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