oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
