i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The uberlube is also flammable
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
