you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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