ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize