some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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