youre lurking in front of me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
