Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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