Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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