Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
