Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
