No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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