Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
