he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
