I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
