I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
