its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
