i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
