I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
