Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
