Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
