Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
