question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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