i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
