if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you inspire me to be a worse person
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
