is your mom at the bar?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
