I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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