fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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