We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
