uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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