I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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