he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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