Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
