I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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