Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
