i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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