I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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