its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize