WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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