two words: eviction party
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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