she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
