you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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