shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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