I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
