D3 body, D1 cock
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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