Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
