you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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