Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
