Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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