I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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