I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
