I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
