I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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