Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
