is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
