my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She bit a glass in half.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
