did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
