The maid of honor just puked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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