I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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