i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
