OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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