M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
