I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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