i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
