What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
