Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
